Apparently, the memo wound up crumpled at the bottom of Big Unit’s Backpack: we’ve got a four-alarm genius epidemic fulminating here in Southeastern PA. Maybe the smarts are raging across your pre-teen landscape like a California wildfire, too. Thank God I learned about it before ski mask-wearing MENSA goons come and haul away the neighborhood children like thieves in the night, indoctrinating them into the murky underworld of Proust and the Fibonacci Sequence.
Apparently, they won’t be stopping here. Oh, well, someone has to restock the black marching-band oxfords at Payless. And, whew! My spawn are safe! More precious years to spend eating Lucky Charms from the box and spinning around in the backyard till they topple over.
But oh, how exquisitely the Superparent™ tingles danced up and down my spine at Curriculum Night last evening:
Principal X, if we feed Festus intravenous Perrier and Boost to eliminate wasted time on that pesky eating thing, how many Advanced /Enriched courses can he fit into his schedule?
Will five Advanced/Enriched classes interfere with Madysson’s trip to Europe to serve on the Junior Mock-U.N. this fall?
I went into Middle School Curriculum Night thinking that the variety of classes they give these larval teenagers is pretty neat; I left feeling like the kid who got no Valentines in her shoebox. I was taking the gas, even though I knew better. Big Unit has enough of the ol’ ADD that waterboarding would be more Advancing/Enriching than one of those courses, despite knocking any kind of standardized test or IQ assessment outta the park.
Does any of this have anything to do with me, beyond my chaotic inner life and faulty DNA jumping into his chromosomes? With my success or failure as a parent, I mean? Probably not, unless I’m throwing raw meat on the floor, forcing the Units to fight it out with the dogs every night, and actively encouraging them to watch my DVD treasury of this for hours on end.
But…so….hard…not…to…get…sucked…iiiiinnnn. And yet, Glory be! The Black Plague of Genius has passed over our mediocre abode!
