So today, Big Unit (DS #1) has decided that his (flag!) football coach is “too mean,” bc during last Saturday’s game, he grumbled, “Awww, c’mon!” when Big Unit fell. Believe me, when in doubt, I tend to jump in and rescue. I also feakin’ despise the overinvested, red-faced parents helicoptering on the sidelines. And whenever I set foot on a baseball diamond, I wax all nostalgic about the kind, encouraging ol’ retired guy who coached my summer softball team when I was 10. Even if you couldn’t hit the side of a barn, on his team, you mattered. (And he ended up with a respectable record using that approach.)
Big Unit’s coach is no cuddly grandpa type, but overall encouraging. And hey, what coach says, “Well kiddos, I sure hope we place fifth today!”? I think Big Unit needs a little of this to light a fire under his kiester. If I can help spare him three decades of going all fluttery with discouragement in the face of relatively mild adversity, then I’m all for it–as long as Coach’s critiques are about the game, and not the kid.
OTOH, I feel Big Unit’s pain. If anything, I tend to get all cringey and flustered when Authority Figures raise their voices or express displeasure. But it’s time for Big Unit to learn how to deal with all types of people.
Jumbo Unit (DH) was backing me up on this at dinner tonight, and he said:
“Big Unit, that’s football. If everyone got a group hug after every play, it’d be gay lawn ball!”
After laundering the piss out of my pants from laughing, I got to thinking: What would gay lawn ball look like? I’m thinking something croquet-ish, with lavender polos and white patent-leather oxfords, but who knows?
The Sachets v. the Yankee Candles, tonight on LOGO!
